So I'm at work and it's slow and I had a thought...

I wrote a short thing from it. It's not really comprehensive, but I imagine it to be a radio ad. Feel free to read it if you want!

(I might do a voice-over of this at some point, but I might not. What do you think?)

Do you often find yourself looking at something and wondering, “How does that work?” Are you the type to spend hours looking through Wikipedia just to see what’s there? Have you ever looked up dirt on a corporation because you’ve had a plethora of negative experiences due to their negligence and questionable business practices?

If so, please turn off your radio and find something else to do, because you’re not the ones we here at The Company are looking for. No, we’re far more interested in your cousins, children, and other next of kin, the ones who will follow any order without hesitation. The ones who don’t ask questions. The ones who look at a job paying pennies and promising fortunes and saying “Hey, that’s a great deal!” because they just don’t know any better, fooled by the marketing schemes of the massive global overlords that we call companies? You know the one.

Are you interested in being a part of something big? Well, look no further! We here at The Company have plans to expand to all seven continents and every corner we can jam our grubby fingers into, doing business wherever we go! Mark our words, we will become a household name soon, thanks to your hard work. If you work with us, we will give you everything you need to get started, and we’ll even give you thirty percent of every commission you get. 

And the best part? 

You’ll be your own boss! You get to set your own hours, choose where you work and how you get there! Just know that you’ll need somewhere customers can see the merchandise, and somewhere else to keep your earnings and extra stock. 

(edited to 4x-speed) Please note that as you are your own boss you are not technically under our employ and we cannot be held legally responsible for your safety, business transactions, or continued profits. Additionally, any expenses for the continuation of your sales will not be covered and cannot be considered tax-deductible due to your position as a member of our group not permitting you the authority to make business-related purchases. Furthermore, since you are not officially in our employ you will be required to submit your own tax forms and declare income, which we will not provide assistance for, as we are not legally obligated to do so. 

We hope you enjoy your work at The Company! We’ll be seeing you soon~